Mating Season
by Razer Athane
Summary: There's just no pleasing women. -Kuma x Panda, Oneshot-


Disclaimer: If I owned Tekken, would I be writing fan fiction about it?

Author's Note: -shifty eyes- Just wanted to. It's crappy in my opinion but hey –shrug- XD I had _a lot _of fun doing it. It's also my first try at humour sooo… prepare for lols of the fail kind? XD

* * *

**MATING SEASON**

* * *

With a loud yawn, Kuma stood, shaking his whole body, awakening from his slumber. His brown fur rippled with every movement, glistening in the sunlight that shone through the half-open window. Stretching, he lumbered down the marble steps, blinking rapidly, passing a small army of Heihachi's servants, some of which parted away from him, whilst others flooded to him, trying to brush his fur. Silly humans, why did they fuss about like this anyway? It's spring, the most beautiful season of them all. Time to shake off the nastiness of winter, smell the flowers and look for love.

Joy swarmed him. Look for love, indeed. He had his eyes set on a particular bear who lived in the same area as he did, and today, he was going to _woo _her fur off. He could see it now – her lively, brown eyes, her unique fur, and just… just… _her. _The very thought made his heart turn into butter. A beautiful bear of the same species, just _waiting _for him to claim her.

…After breakfast.

* * *

Roses? Check.

Looking good? Check.

Smelling nice? Check.

Overall appealing bear-wise? Check.

Kuma turned away from the mirror and began to head out of the Mishima Mansion. The servants had made him as appealing as he could possibly be. Needless to say, in a non-narcissistic way, if he were a homosexual bear, he'd be all over himself. He was proud of his appearance, and as the metallic squeal of the fence sounded, he stood taller and looked left and right, on the prowl for his furry woman.

He imagined her to be just a little smaller than he was, but her fur was to be shinier and prettier than his. Her claws would be beautiful, and her growl would be musical to his little ears. She would love salmon as much as he did, and she would be loyal, like he was to Heihachi. He couldn't wait to make her his. He was already tingling with anticipation, but the search had only just begun! With every glance down his left and his right, Kuma became more and more excited.

Said excitement eventually diminished into desperate despair and boredom. He searched and searched and searched for hours on end. The unusual spring heat was getting to him, and he was tired from all of the walking. With a disgruntled sigh, he raised a paw and wiped sweat off of his forehead, still clutching the roses in the opposite paw, thinking to himself, _This is taking a lot of work… _

Hoping to up his excitement a little, he lumbered into down and came across a small fish store. Grinning, he immediately entered, despite the screaming, confused people, and pushed past all of those waiting in line. Not one to challenge a _bear, _of all things, the shop owner asked, "Um… W-w-what would you like…?"

Kuma stood up taller and threw both of his limbs into the air, growling, "Salmon! One salmon!"

As the shop owner nodded and hurriedly grabbed one random, cold, slippery salmon from the shop window, he tossed it to the bear, still stuttering, "Y-you don't have to pay! Just get out of my shop and don't hurt any of my customers! Go on now, get out of here!"

Confused as to why everyone was so afraid of him, he shrugged and, with the salmon in the other paw, left the store, his short, stumpy legs carrying him out. He continued on his journey, looking throughout the plaza around him. He hoped he found the lady bear soon, he didn't want the salmon to be warm and disgusting. He couldn't think of anything worse than bad tasting salmon, honestly.

He continued to look, swearing that he'd seen this female bear around Tokyo _for sure, _he wasn't seeing things! Eventually, Kuma came to the front of a large school with a golden statue of his master on it. Numerous students were inside the gates, leaving the hallways and classrooms. He realised that he'd been searching for an extremely long time, as it was now three in the afternoon. Sighing, he watched the children come out, some of them in pairs, others in groups.

And then he saw her.

Her fur indeed glistened in the sunlight like he remembered, but he certainly did not recall her having black and white fur as opposed to brown. She had hyper pink bangles on her large wrists, and her small, beady eyes just captured his heart. She was coming to the gate with a girl he'd only seen once before, with small, black pigtails tied high up. It was she who noticed Kuma, pointing to him and causing the other bear to stop merely inches from the gate.

As the door opened, Kuma slid inside, passing through the sea of youths. The girl nudged the other bear and skittered out, following a girl with auburn hair. Straightening up and brushing down the fur on his head, he gathered all of his confidence and held out the roses and the salmon, a wide smile on his face, "For you!"

The bear tilted her head to the side, unsure of the offering. Salmon? If he really paid attention, the bear would notice that she's a _panda, _and likes _bamboo. _Backing up a little and shaking her head, she said cautiously, "No thank you."

But Kuma wouldn't take no for an answer, no siree! Narrowing his eyes a little, he puffed his chest out and again offered the gifts, still smiling. But still the bear wouldn't bite, and he growled, "Why won't you take them, my lovely honey? I picked them out for you! Now take them!"

"First of all, my name is Panda, which therefore makes me a panda," she hissed, "I'm not a bear like you. If you had bothered to pay attention, you'd see that my fur is entirely different from yours! I like bamboo. I _hate _salmon! Roses are my least favourite flower! I don't like stalkers, and I have no interest in having someone special in my life!"

"But…"

"Go away!"

Taking a few steps back, Panda charged forward and delivered a powerful headbutt into Kuma's body. As a result from the sheer strength of the animal, coupled with the unsuspected attack, the brown bear was sent flying far, far away, until he became a small twinkle in the sky.

Satisfied, Panda ran to catch up with Xiaoyu, who'd been watching the disappearing form of Kuma, "Wow…"

* * *

_There's just no pleasing women, _Kuma growled to himself, picking himself up and off the ground. He was lucky that Panda's attack had launched him back into the Mishima Mansion's garden. Brushing the dust from his stomach, he walked towards the nearby bin, noting that the two, wooden benches were empty. Sitting down on one, he thought to himself, _This whole thing was just a waste of time._

Dejectedly, he dumped the roses into the bin, and moved to do the same with the salmon. He stopped, though, and looked at the food. How could Panda _not _like salmon?! It's meat! All bears eat meat, right? _He knew _pandas were bears just like him, but…

_What a waste, _he went to drop it again, before bringing it back to himself.

Then he realised… _he _could eat the salmon!


End file.
